I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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