She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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