i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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