I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
