he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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