his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
