is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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