Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
