I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
