Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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