he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That accounts for only three of the penises
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
