Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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