A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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