I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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