i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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