Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
