There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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