It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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