I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm really busy with my period
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