Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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