i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
