Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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