I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
