So gin and wine won't be happening again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
