I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Say something about gay babies.
Is it because I queefed?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
