Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize