Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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