Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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