maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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