Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
