Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize