Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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