you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
