So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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