I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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