first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
