What did we do last night that was yellow?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The struggles of a small town man whore
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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