I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
