My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
