i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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