I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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