Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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