I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
