shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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