Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
