shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
