2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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