Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
