Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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