Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
