he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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