No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
