When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
