Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
