A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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