remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Girls should come with a carfax report
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
