I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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