The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
