I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
