When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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