Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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