you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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