Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize