i think my mom watched the whole time
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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