Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
